Well, the title says it all. But first, a little background. Chris and I have been married almost 10 years. While we have learned to weather many storms together, that last two bastions of discord in our relationship are called: COMMUNICATION and MONEY. What I mean is, these are the two things that we haven't figured out how to handle collectively. Consequently we have had different approaches and different mindsets about them for all these years. What is interesting is that we have gotten into a bind and it has caused us to have a laser focus on these two very issues.
In short, we have run out of money at a time when we need it badly. The really cool thing is that, while the being out of money sucks, we are NOT fighting and berating each other over it (which has been our pattern for years). We are discussing and planning to fix the situation, which brings us together as adults instead of petulant children. This brings me to the title of this missive...
2007 is going to be a year for several things for me personally. 1) to continue working on my health through cycling. 2) to assertively communicate with Chris on a mature, responsible and compassionate level. 3) to maximize my talents and skillset for the benefit of my family on a spousal, parental, spiritual and financial level. 4) to live and act fearlessly (probably my greatest challenge) I guess you could call these resolutions, but I have cheated and started on some of them early, thus creating a higher likelihood of success ;)
Carpe Diem Baby!
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Lupus Sucks!
My wife has had Lupus for 8 years. It has not been a lot of fun for her along the way. It creates real sickness as a chronic disease that comes and goes on its own whim and tries mightily to throw her life into chaos as well as the lives of those of us who love her. There is no pattern- no rhyme or reason- no predictability. In short, it's a pain in the ass.
I have spent many years wishing Lupus wasn't a part of my life and behaving like a real buffoon at times due to my self-centeredness. I used to get really upset about the upheavals in schedule and it still bothers me at times. Chris has no fault for having Lupus- I know that. She doesn't have the luxury of stepping away for a while from time to time like I can. She deals with constant, varying levels of pain that never stops. It, understandably, frustrates the heck out of her. Our relationship has suffered because it. I have spent lots of time trying to do tactical things to "help" get through the flares. You know, housework, wrestling kids and all that...but spent no time investing in and validating Chris during her dark hours. A real roller coaster ride.
I know now that I can control my reaction to circumstances even if I can't control the circumstances themselves...one of my favorite quotes is that there is a MOMENT between STIMULUS and RESPONSE and WE HAVE A CHOICE regarding what we do in that moment. Things will invariably go haywire from time to time but they don't have to ruin moments and lives, necessarily. It is possible to make some pretty good lemonade when you get handed a bushel of lemons...it's all about asserting a positive attitude and making things better for those around us.
I have spent many years wishing Lupus wasn't a part of my life and behaving like a real buffoon at times due to my self-centeredness. I used to get really upset about the upheavals in schedule and it still bothers me at times. Chris has no fault for having Lupus- I know that. She doesn't have the luxury of stepping away for a while from time to time like I can. She deals with constant, varying levels of pain that never stops. It, understandably, frustrates the heck out of her. Our relationship has suffered because it. I have spent lots of time trying to do tactical things to "help" get through the flares. You know, housework, wrestling kids and all that...but spent no time investing in and validating Chris during her dark hours. A real roller coaster ride.
I know now that I can control my reaction to circumstances even if I can't control the circumstances themselves...one of my favorite quotes is that there is a MOMENT between STIMULUS and RESPONSE and WE HAVE A CHOICE regarding what we do in that moment. Things will invariably go haywire from time to time but they don't have to ruin moments and lives, necessarily. It is possible to make some pretty good lemonade when you get handed a bushel of lemons...it's all about asserting a positive attitude and making things better for those around us.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Merry Christmas!
It's been a great day and there's no other way to put it. Easily one of the best family Christmas' we've had! The kids had a good time and everyone got along well and the Christmas dinner turned out well and we all enjoyed each others' company.
There are things to consider now that 2006 is wrapping up and 2007 is getting ready to start. A significant thing is this- I, thanks to a refreshingly candid talk with my wife, have realized that I have settled in my life for just getting by. We watched "Invincible" tonight and a motivating thing for Vince Papale in the movie, as he was trying out for the Philadelphia Eagles, was a goodbye note from his girlfriend when she left him. The quote is this: "You'll never be anything, you'll never make any money and you'll never make a name for yourself". That stuck with me, primarily because I have learned to accept similar thoughts about myself.
I know this much- I am certainly guilty of not doing anything other than getting by...been that way for a long time. I have been fearful of trying anything, or asserting myself, or believing in myself, or truly engaging in my relationships, or...you get the picture. I have forgotten my ability to enrich the lives of the people around me. I have become a "sniveling clod". ouch-ouch-ouch. I have a memory of being a confident person who enjoyed life and all that, but I have been directionless for a long time.
It's time for a change.
High time.
To put things simply, I have decided to change things for the better for my family and myself. I am learning to rediscover myself. I am slowly getting some confidence. Spending a lot of time on a bike will help that happen. I feel as though I am beginning to achieve clarity of vision. Part of that clarity shows quite clearly that no one will pull me out of this but me.
So- things are about to get interesting and exciting!
There are things to consider now that 2006 is wrapping up and 2007 is getting ready to start. A significant thing is this- I, thanks to a refreshingly candid talk with my wife, have realized that I have settled in my life for just getting by. We watched "Invincible" tonight and a motivating thing for Vince Papale in the movie, as he was trying out for the Philadelphia Eagles, was a goodbye note from his girlfriend when she left him. The quote is this: "You'll never be anything, you'll never make any money and you'll never make a name for yourself". That stuck with me, primarily because I have learned to accept similar thoughts about myself.
I know this much- I am certainly guilty of not doing anything other than getting by...been that way for a long time. I have been fearful of trying anything, or asserting myself, or believing in myself, or truly engaging in my relationships, or...you get the picture. I have forgotten my ability to enrich the lives of the people around me. I have become a "sniveling clod". ouch-ouch-ouch. I have a memory of being a confident person who enjoyed life and all that, but I have been directionless for a long time.
It's time for a change.
High time.
To put things simply, I have decided to change things for the better for my family and myself. I am learning to rediscover myself. I am slowly getting some confidence. Spending a lot of time on a bike will help that happen. I feel as though I am beginning to achieve clarity of vision. Part of that clarity shows quite clearly that no one will pull me out of this but me.
So- things are about to get interesting and exciting!
Sunday, December 24, 2006
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